A More Majestic Infirmity is Needed
Swine flu. What an unfortunate name. Why, it’s downright misanthropic in application! If I ever contract swine flu, I don’t think I’d be able to live it down. It’s not just the name–if that were the case, then I’d still be smarting from that bout of chicken pox I had a few years ago. It’s the fact that it really is a porcine disease that usually doesn’t affect humans, but now all of a sudden, has decided to give Homo sapiens a test run.
All this talk about the swine flu has made me wonder–where are all the majestic-sounding illnesses? Why are we stuck with swine flu and chicken pox and bird flu and monkey pox? What we need is a dashing infection, an animal-based ailment that people would actually be proud to catch! Here are some suggestions.
-. Liongitis
-. Bear palsy
-. Cobra pox
-. Wolverickets
-. Scorpion fever
-. Albatrossoriasis
-. Dingo dengue
-. Hellbender hemorrhoids
Perhaps one day, one of these bugs or conditions will plague our species. Then, at the very least, we will die with some awesome-sounding problem.
I’m Doing That Thing.
When trying to come up with something to blog about, it occurred to me that I have fallen into that common blog trap–simply writing about mundane shit that probably no one cares to read about. When I first started blogging I told myself that I would *not* do that–my mission statement was to have a blog that discussed worthwhile or out-of-the-ordinary topics rather than how many packets of Splenda I put in my oatmeal this morning. But now my blog posts are more akin to the latter than the former. I apologize to my long-time fans–I haven’t had any meaningful or thought-provoking blog posts in a while. I’ll work on that.
Date and Time
I have a date with a new fellow tomorrow evening!
Now I just need to think of something to do… We’ll do dinner, but after that I’m stumped. Do we go see a movie? Or… go get some coffee? Or… go to a bookstore? Or… hell, I dunno. I need suggestions, people!
A Courageous Stand (For Hate)
When I don’t know what to write, I try to get pissed, because I always have something to write about when I’m pissed. So all it took was a quick little visit to the FOX News forums to really get me going. The conversation at the time was: “Did Miss California’s answer cost her the crown?” And, well, the responses on the forum were typical.
So… now I have a word for both Miss California, and for her fawning supporters.
MISS CALIFORNIA, you smug little bitch. You can’t help but wipe that stupid smile off your stupid face as you vomit forth your ignorance in grand fashion and show how, in all your vapidity, you’d take a stand against those uppity gays. Not a stand for “opposite marriage” as you call it, but a stand against those self-righteous queers who have the audacity to want the same rights that you have. It’s never a stand for marriage, as you dumbfucks like to portray, but a stance against a minority having the same rights as you.
Well, here’s a little reminder for you. The gays whose rights you want to deny aren’t just the peons who do your hair, design your makeup, sew your dresses, and otherwise make you presentable for broadcasting. We fix your food, we work on your vehicles, we fly your planes, we treat you when you are sick, and we put out the flames when your stupid ass catches your house in Malibu on fire. We are EVERYWHERE and you have no idea who you shit on collectively when you shit on “the gays” as a whole. And what’s with your weaselly “no offense”? Do you really care that much not to offend? Or are you actually disgusted at your own views and only taking the stand that you are because 52% of Californians share your stance and you’re “just trying to represent the majority”? Is that it? Are you a fucking shill for the right? Does your stance change depending on poll numbers? Did the Mormons fund your campaign?
And for all those on the forums who claim MISS CALIFORNIA’s stance was “brave” and “courageous” and so on… You are all a bunch of fucking backwards retards who are on the losing side of history and know it, and who are grasping at any pretty face that’ll advocate for your ugly ideas and postpone the inevitable just a bit longer. You DREAD the day when I am your equal in the eyes of the law, and your self-righteous and condescending viewpoints are no longer codified in state constitutions. No, MISS CALIFORNIA will not be “rewarded for her noble stand” in the next life, because she’ll be too busy accounting for her coke binges, the married men she fucked to get where she did, and those stupid-ass hoop earrings.
Do you know why blondes wear hoop earrings? So they have some place to put their ankles.
800th Post
This is my 800th post.
w00t?
I’m really sort of… at a creative impasse these days. Don’t know what to talk about or share with you. Any ideas?
Soap Operas
I never really understood the appeal of soap operas. I have too much drama in my own life without partaking in regular doses of contrived drama. Once again, I fail at my chosen profession. (Cocksucking)
What is the appeal of soap operas? Someone explain…
Gothic Perfection
Ah, if only I could find me a twinky goth boi like Christoph here for those dark, angst-filled nights…
The Old Popularity Index
